This post has no structure to it, it may be all over the place.
i actually had a friend of mine say to me tonight, "you don't do so well with crowds, do you?"
which made me want to write a few things down.
I'd like to address something to the people in my life , and since i'm so bad with crowds it seemed easier for me to write things down.
I'm already a self concious person, i feel like everyone is staring at me when most likely they are most likely just getting on with their own lives.
i had built up my confidence but then something happen that makes me feel like utter crap and i was right back where i started.
added to that i have social anxiety, and take mild panic attacks , although not had one in a while (touch wood).
I've not always been like this , i think i know what had triggered it.
a few years ago in my work i was working the back shift and a crowd of teenage boys came in , cut a long story short they got asked to leave but refused and the boy went ape and punched me, broken my glasses, was off work for a month with trauma, too scared to go back to work.
Obviously i eventually went back to work, but since then if i get overwhelmed with a situation i take a panic attack. sometimes i gotta take myself away from the situation, go somewhere quiet and take some deep breaths.
I get quite anxious around big crowds which isn't great considering i work with the general public and in a fast paced job, it must show how shy i am around people my head is normally down, sometimes depending on how im feeling that day i could be fine and feel confident , other days i don't want to talk to anyone,sometimes i get to a point where i don't even wanna get on a bus, or go to the shops.
On my reallt bad days i get myself into such a state that i have to call in sick, but i wouldn't dare to tell them why , i say im sick or something, because i don't think people get it, you tell someone you have social anxiety and they will think your talking utter rubbish, think your lying or something, the looks i have got from some people says it all really.
I have my ups and my downs , I like the quiet.. and sometimes i love being around people and enjoy the company. I just want people to remember that so many people in this world are most liking battling with something in their lifes, you should consider that and their feelings , before you judge them, im still coming to terms with this i was just relieved to see on the internet that there are other people out there with the same problem and those are the people i look up to as inspiration , if your looking for someone to answer a few of your questions for you and havn't heard of her, you should look up zoella on youtube shes a true inspiration if you ask me and has helped me alot , worse combinations ever, self confident, anxiety, socially awkward and trying to live in this world ,
what's your flaws?
