Be kind, always

Who has our backs?, Like if we are crying out for help, can you say you have a good support system, friends and family that understand and try to help you?
I've recently  watched "13 reasons why" and by the time i got to the last few episodes i started thinking about the people in my life , i was thinking that if i was in that situation  as that girl Hannah , if i would have had someone there for me and the answer to that is ,no.
I don't think i would  have , everyone is so involved in their own lives , going through their own problems , i honestly  don't think anyone would notice, take for instance right now , for circumstances i wont go into I'm back at my parents house , i love  my mum to pieces and my dad..Well we don't see eye to eye ..everything is a big drama and inconvenience to him.
I don't think he knows how to parent, all i asked is if they wanted me to move out , because I feel like I'm in the way , and he dramatised it and screamed at me , yelling how old are you..Like what I was asking pissed him off  ..I've never had a heart to heart with my mum or dad because they don't take me seriously, and the whole anxiety issue with him he just tells me to grow up..What kind of support system is that? I can't go to the people in my life i should be able to talk to and trust..What good is that probably doing to me mentally, what if i get to a point of noone to talk to and hating life that i do something as crazy as that girl, and whos fault would it be if that happened..i could probably imagine he'd say something like ," stupid idiot what was she thinking " as an apose to "it's all my fault"
I'm not saying I'm going to do something stupid I'm just saying , there's no one in my life to talk to about that kind of stuff, beside my boyfriend..He is amazing and supportive but im strickly talking about Friends and family , everyone should just be kinder, look out for one another  how bad are you going to feel if something  happened to them and you'll live the rest of your life thinking what if you could have done something to help?!

The calm to my storm

I've spent pretty much everyday with my bf since we've both been off work together,I thought he'd be sick of me by now.
Think there was a little bit inside me that was worried "oh no, he's gonna see me at my worst"  which I guess eventually he would see , but I was trying to not reveal too quickly how I can be ,  I have had a few little panic attacks due to  frustration of not being able to do some things  and he's been brilliant, i guess you could say it's brought us closer together and opened us both up more and he's still here, horrah! I am, so thnakful to have someone as amazing as him in my life, he us the most amazing person and i just want to spend all my time with him,
He's not going anywhere as he keeps saying and i believe him when he says that, he's not wrapping me up too tightly ,  because I still need to be able to do things on my own and i don't want to go back to how I was before , where I relied on that person too much to a point that they would do everything for me, difference​ now is I want to do it  and he gives me the option of still doing what scares me but at least trying it out , he's not steered me wrong so far  most things I've faced has turned out to be a good night in the end and i feel so much better in the end having done it and that's down to him as much as it is me, there's no yelling, he's so patient and calm with me , even when I'm in a little annoyed mood  he can litterly pull me in for a cuddle and he'd  break down that wall I've been trying to build, he actually makes me want to be able to be the best version of myself  and i know that's cheesy as hell but it's damn true, he is by far the best thing in my life and I'm just looking forward to doing so much amazing things together.

What is wrong with me?

Seriously..What is wrong with me, every time I get to a point in this relationship that I feel that little bit more comfortable and confident there's that little voice inside me that tells message Im no good, I'm gonna get hurt  what's the point  in all this .. maybe I'm doomed to never be happy  or find my soulmate ...Or do i have him and I'm just terrifiedof EVERYTHING... You know what probably doesn't  help looking at his exs fb.. I've done this to myself really  all I'm doing is comparing ..Why doesn't he say stuff like that to me  and how can he be with me when he's went out with someone as beautiful as her , I wanna pull my hair out ..Well done Emma ...Well done.

Anxiety in relationships

You know I thought i was doing well, since being in this new relationship I feel my anxiety problem had went away
,Well not completely away because I have had a few minor ones, but I think all it's done is shifted into relationship anxiety.
I've never been with someone and felt this nausea I get when I overthink things and I bloody hate it ..I will be the one to drive him away!  Is what I keep saying to myself , trying to pin point the reason for feeling this way, I'm not sure.
Maybe it could be that I'm now coming up for 31 and no where near where I was wanting to be in life , married and with kids ...Maybe I'm just scared of being in a relationship again because to be honest I'm scared of possibly loosing many years of my life  again and still might be no where near close to being a wife and mother, it's scary it really is then I think about other things ...Does he like me as much as I like him  , will he leave me, does he even like the things I like  everything with us is perfect except I have to deal with all this in my head and I wanna tear my hair out!

Like lightening!

"Every moment leading up to the one in which you meet your future husband or wife somehow shapes you into the person you were meant to be with. any heartbreaks or loneliness you've had along the way can be important -- sometimes we need to know what something feels like when its wrong before we can really know when it feels right"

I still stand by my words, dispite saying this on a post a year or so ago I still do believe that your journey in life does shape and mould you into the person that you become ..And you just learn from your mistakes, at my age most people have probably went through a long relationship, heartache ,  broken off engagements,moved back into your parents..Hello..I'm living proof.
I am however so much more happier  and in love than ever before, he came into my life out of nowhere..Like lightning!

Me and my friend have went  through so much heartache it's great to see us both happy in our relationships of course I've only just started seeing Chris but ..Hayley and kevin are exceptionally amazing,I do tend to tear up quite a lot  when I talk or think about them two, okay so her engagement didn't work out with the other guy , as didnt mine...Least we realised before getting married but let's not dwell on the past too much.
Around November last year my Hayley took a chance on a guy she worked with, and asked him out..Best decision ever!
Took her a while but understandable , you think you shouldn't date someone who your friends with ..But what if you can have that best friend and your soulmate wrapped up into one amazing Kevin!
I've never see her so happy and in love as is Kevin , a perfect match for each other oh yeah.. and they're getting married
Ekk! 

Never felt like this before

I've been seeing this guy for a few months now and i dunno what it is about him, he has this hold over me, or spell haha, who knows.
I've never felt this way before over a guy at least I dont think I have, I get butterflies  whenever I go to see him, I think that's kinda nice, to me he's practically perfect.
The list is endless  of what I love about him, and i dont just mean looks, I forgot how much I love a tall guy, he has amazing eyes and a great smile, his laugh is lovely,  I love his arms and im sure he also knows that,  his voice is just to die for.
He has an amazing personality ,he loves animals and has  such a kind heart i mean he gave me flowers ..on his birthday I just want to know more about him all the time, I'm very infatuated by him  but I'm at a point of insecurity, and I think If I don't get a hold of myself. I'm gonna lose him.. maybe it's guilt of the fact that I ended the last two relationships I'm now scared it's going to happen to me, I don't want to get hurt, I've not let down my wall completely yet..It may take a bit of time but  I'll get there.

Am I too picky?

I've done alot of thinking over the past few weeks, I mean I'm not sure if it's the logical part of my brain thinking or the little bit of insanity that goes on in there, but I keep thinking that I am but too picky when it comes to men.
I almost feel jealous for the people out there that has been seeing the same person for a good few years that look as though they got it good and perfect, but I also did say on my last post that you don't know what goes on in people's life's.. I'm sure they work at their relationships , however these people that from a far you look at and they look happy and in love , just moved in together,  can't keep their hands off each other , and engaged, pregnant yada yada yada!.
I envy them that's all I ever wanted I've never had all that  in one relationship ..in all 2 relationships I've been in, with John I got the physical contact and love but he just never seen me, once a week or even fortnight was not enough and the we seen each other less and less and i got use to being alone and it got to a point that dispite I had the title of being In a relationship.. I wasn't. With Chris I seen him all the time and had got the effection but just not much physical contact.. why cant i have both? One thing they were both the same with, is that it didnt matter if i voiced my concerns over matters ..they both were the same for communication, terrible.
I want it all ,not parts of a relationship ,im aware that noone is perfect but i think you got to have at least all that but like i said.. i feel as though i might be too picky  or maybe im just looking too much into things i don't think it's a bad thing that people have some specifics  in a guy .
I just want a guy that's head over heels in love with me as much as i am for him and that wants to spend time with me , can be, confident and romantic and sweet but who I can have a laugh with as well,  where the hell is my knight In shining armour!..is he stuck in traffic?

You got to hold on to what you've got.

Okay so quick life update. if I can make it quick that is.
Me and Chris have ended our relationship, it was very difficult as it's just so much more than just ending a relationship as we were engaged and living together, this was over 4-5 weeks ago but its just starting to sink in.
There is just so much to it all, that I don't even know where to start with it but I will say this, just because you are going out with someone doesn't mean you have them and you should never stop trying for one another, this really bothers me that these things happen, I've always tried my hardest to take the time to make an effort in the relationship I am in .
I make the effort  with my looks and compliment them , flirt with them understand their needs ..  a relationship should be  filled with love, understanding,  emotional and physical contact I did these things, but there's only a certain amount of time you can throw yourself I someone and get nothing back, it gets a bit embarassing
I don't give up on people straight away, I tried to talk to him  and tell him what's wrong and what we were lacking   I always did that I made sure I'd tell them how I feel  I always stated the problem and wanted to work on it, so why..why is it when I eventually have had enough that I get friends and family tell me that it's was "out the blue" and "oh you's were perfect"
It was only seen that way because I never told people the arguments, and lack of  love i was getting, whats the point? there was no point in tellig people about arguments,  to be honest I didn't even tell my best friend when things were shit because I was embarassed so I can see why she was shocked .. but realising with Chris I wasn't myself I cut off all my friends and family because that was what he was like I sacrificed alot to be with him and this is where it's got me, it trapped me in a relationship, that I was just comfortable in because I didn't want to tell my mum or come home or even know if I could come home I didn't know I was able to.
Don't pass judgement on something you can only see from the outside.
This has been the most crazy month, I knew it wasn't going to be simple but I know other people would be hurt by this news, but if both people arnt happy in the relationship and you've tried to make it work then eventually you just give up. Thinking about it I guess to him he wasn't expecting me to eventually say the words I want to break up, I guess he's  been so use to me saying to him "okay so this isn't working and that isn't working" and him telling me things are going to improve , that he just wasnt expecting it to end all together.
It makes me so mad I don't understand why im not being heard,
We've been through so Much together as well but feelings started to change and disappear the physical part of the relationship was long gone and all that was left was loving feelings you'd feel towards your brother.
If their are any guys out there reading this, please hold onto what you've got.. (sounds like I'm about to sing some bon jovi) and make an effort, same goes to the women out there it's not just one person's job to keep a relationship going you have to work at it together.

what's going on ,on the inside

I've wrote a few posts on my anxiety issue but i've realised looking back at them that i've never really wrote how it truly feels to be in that state, in the mind of it all.
Weirdly i'm finding it difficult to think how it feels as i'm alright at the moment and not had one in a while so i will try my hardest to get all this down.

There are alot of things i wanted to put down before but forgot to say them one thing i hate about it all is, i hate letting my friends down, and i have let them down a lot due to this, and i hate it, if i am feeling bad that day or just had a panic attack , i don't wanna go out, i don't want to be in no one's company, and it's nothing against you guys if you ever happen to read this..i just go into a shell , where i'm very vulnerable, very sensitive and just want to be in a dark room to be honest.Im also left thinking alot of what just happened, why it happened.. sometimes there isn't even a reason for it , i just get a sense of dread wash over me , but yes im left thinking an awful lot of how i've let people down , what other folk may be thinking ... there's just an awful lot of over thinking.. and that doesn't help much

That's basically the aftermath of it , like a chain reaction , you go through this and you get yourself so worked up, you get sweaty palms, your heart is racing like mad that you almost feel like it could burst out of your chest, and in that moment you may think that you could pass out, and it's the worst possible thing your going through, until your breathing gets a bit steadier and you calm down a little only then is when i start thinking too much of  what if someone saw me and think im crazy?, am i crazy? is there anyone else out there that has this?  , what's wrong with me?....and then i start another one and im back to sweaty palms and crazy fast beating in my chest.. it's a vicious circle really.

I've only recently went to the doctors about this, and been prescribed something for a month to see how i get on, and i'm also going to see a councillor.. this actually freaks me out a little , i said i'd go but i'm just getting more and more nervous about it , im not saying taking medication will stop them all  together , because they don't if anything for me they have submerged them ever so slightly, they aren't as big as the ones i've had before , very mild.. but i do still get them, you just gotta learn some techniques on what works for you, which i am still trying to do

quick update

was on my way to work feeling fine got on the bus was fine for the first half of my journey then, out of no where, i felt very sick, got very panicky,  I've no clue why these start sometimes, they say because your overthinking but I wasn't even doing that.
I'm currently sitting in work trying to calm myself down, and since I'm so bad at describing how these attacks make me feel afterwards, I decided to go find a quiet spot in work and write this down. I've just ask Chris to pop into my doctors and make an appointment for me, I need to speak to my doctor about this, I don't want this to ruin my life any more and if there's something I could be taking to make me more relaxed then I'll take it.
no more avoiding this matter time to take control of my life.

Im not okay

SO i found this post in my drafts , obviously forgot to post it so this was 2 3 weeks ago

  Do you ever get those days where you wonder why you are here?, what your purpose is in life?
Today is one of those days for me, even the nicest things that my friends and boyfriend are saying, don't seem to be helping me.. maybe i just need to get this little cry out.

Today started out well,it was a beautiful day and i was to go down and have a casual interview with someone about transferring stores, i don't know entirely why i feel so lousy maybe because this was the first time i have went for an interview in 11 years ? or was it because i thought i had went in there assuming i was getting it and then getting told they couldn't accommodate the hours i needed.
Which got my mind in a warp thinking..over thinking EVERYTHING !
maybe i'm not good enough, maybe i'm not good at my job.
Having anxiety has already put such a hold on things for me  that i feel like i cant do anything, or even bother to try, to be honest i feel like there's no way up from here..maybe i might feel better tomorrow who knows, I'm just getting quite embarrassed and annoyed that i keep having to either call up work and cancelling shifts or having to get sent home, like tonight.
It took me such a long time to calm down tonight , my manager had no choice to send me home.
I'm now just getting to a point that i am fed up of feeling like this.. it's not me, i wasn't this person 4-5 years ago. that incident i had in work has ruined me , changed me as a person, nothing use to break me i was a very happy girl always a smile on my face , always joking, yes i still smile just now it's in between crying an awful lot.
Something needs to be done, i need to get back to the old me .. do any of you ever feel like that, like you've lost yourself along the way? i feel that way , i think some of the people n my life have noticed as well. something needs done, i need help , new job, a happier life

blog update!

well hello you beautiful strangers!,
I've been neglecting this blog recently, now i don't have any subscribers, but judging from the views i do get people that read it, and i thank you.
I do however, want to be able to have  a set schedule , where i sit down say maybe 2/3 times a week and do a blog, at the moment i am currently off sick I've been off work for almost a week already but i spend most of it whining  like a biatch, now realising i'm just going to have to accept there is no "easy fast fix" to recovering and i just gotta let it run it's course.
My sick line is meant to be up tomorrow but judging by the way i feel i don't think im getting better anytime soon, so most likely it is back to the doctors for me on monday for yet another line.
So why may you ask am i telling you think, well firstly because this blog is about everyday life things but, i've decided that with my time off i am going to do more blogs, laying about moaning about how life is unfair, has got a bit boring now so i will grace you with my presence instead, don't worry it's not going to be a diary of how i'll i am everyday, i'd like to do more beauty and fashion pieces  and life matters too.
I also want to do OOTD's  but with me being i'll i'm not really going anywhere.
so yes ! im back hopefully alot more frequent too.

Toodles
   Ems
      x

friendships

I've always been the type of girl in school that floated around with different crowds, i look back on that and thought it was a good thing, because it was all different types of people, from the quiet and awkward people to the ones who stand out of a crowd.to the bullies.

 One friend that i've known since we were 4 years old, went to school together , we were joined to the hip despite in  high school we weren't in each others classes, we grew apart after she decided to leave when she was 16 and i kept at school for another 2 years i'm not quite sure when it got to the point that we just weren't in each others company any more, but even so, we both don't have any resentment because we both have our own lives to live, and every so often when we do see each other we just love to reminisce.You'd think now with the next thing i'm going to say is very sad, but i don't have many friends.
i'm alright with that ,  i wouldn't want a bundle of people in my life  you always get a few dodgy ones, i've had one of those in the past every heard the term, 3's a crowd?, i'll get into that story another time.you will learn in life the ones you should keep in your lives and the ones you should steer clear of, it might take you a while to realise that, because in my own personal opinion on what has happened to me, i use to think even though i was getting bullied that i'd rather have those people as friends than none at all  , which thinking about it now, is just silly, i'd much rather be in my own company than be friends with a bully, and i was for a short while but it was the best thing that happened to me.
 Me and  my bestie , H have known each other  since we were  9 and  11  we lived right across the street from each other. i remember the first time we met, i think that's when you know you got yourself a really good one, is when you can remember your first encounter together. our first little mate date together we played dream phone(ahh i loved that game).. and most likely with our barbies as well.we've known each other for  18 years , that's a really long time
We're the kind of friends that have watched so many movies that we literally just quote them to each other, or use them in everyday life which to me is hilarious.I think everytime we hang out  we do that haha.  We've had our ups and downs, our mad nights out and quite nights in, we've ran marathons together and pigged out plenty, we've picked each other up when we were feeling down and wipes away those tears, even saying something silly in those times to make each other smile.

I  need my friend in my life, we all do, we need those people that you can make memories with, someone you can laugh with uncontrollably  and who can be there for you to wipe away those tears,and to beat up any person who dared make us sad.

Anxiety

This post has no structure to it, it may be all over the place.
i actually had a friend of mine say to me tonight, "you don't do so well with crowds, do you?"
which made me want to write a few things down.
I'd  like to address something to the people in my life , and since i'm so bad with crowds  it seemed easier for me to write things down.
I'm already a self concious person, i feel like everyone is staring at me when most likely they are most likely just getting on with their own lives.
 i had built up my confidence but then something happen that makes me feel like utter crap and i was  right back where i started.
added to that i have social anxiety, and take mild panic attacks , although not had one in a while (touch wood).
I've not always been like this , i think i know what had triggered it.
 a few years ago in my work i was working the back shift and a crowd of teenage boys came in , cut a long story short they got asked to leave but refused and the boy went ape and punched me, broken my glasses, was off work for a month with trauma,  too scared to go back to work.
Obviously i eventually went back to work, but since then if i get overwhelmed with a situation i take a panic attack. sometimes i gotta take myself away from the situation, go somewhere quiet and take some deep breaths.
I get quite anxious around big crowds which isn't great considering i work with the general public and in a fast paced job, it must show how shy i am around people  my head is normally down, sometimes depending on how im feeling that day i could be fine and feel confident , other days i don't want to talk to anyone,sometimes i get to a point where i don't even wanna get on a bus, or go to the shops.
On my reallt bad days i get myself into such a state that i have to call in sick, but i wouldn't dare to tell them why , i say im sick or something, because i don't think people get it, you tell someone you have social anxiety and they will think your talking utter rubbish, think your lying or something, the looks i have got from some people says it all really.

I have my ups and my downs , I like the quiet.. and sometimes i love being around people and enjoy  the company. I just want people to remember that so many people in this world are most liking battling with something in their lifes, you should consider that and their feelings , before you judge them, im still coming to terms with this i was just relieved to see on the internet that there are other people out there with the same problem and those are the people i look up to as inspiration , if your looking for someone to answer a few of your questions for you and havn't heard of her, you should look up zoella on youtube  shes a true inspiration if you ask me and has helped me alot ,  worse combinations ever, self confident, anxiety,  socially  awkward and trying to live in this world ,

what's your flaws?

dealing with loss

you never think that it's going to happen to you .
 your just so blissfully happy and excited that you tell everyone your news just a little too early than you should,
i just wish i kept it to myself until the scan, its just so much harder having to not only deal with this loss, but also tell everyone that you have lost your baby.
they say everything happens for a reason, what could possibly be the reason behind this, why couldnt i have my baby growing inside me?
i figured writing this down might help me, im not so sure.
you expect to go to your first scan with your other half and have this moment in your head forever, when your both holding hands and you see your baby in your belly and you cant wait to show everyone.. i just never expected it to be me, i couldnt see anything other than a little grey blob, the nurse says .. she couldn't get a heartbeat and  looks like i lost it at around 7 weeks ...this moment  will be in my mind, forever
even when i close my eyes i see it.I need to go into hospital tomorrow for them to  remove the sack, i dont want to go back to the same place where  i found out.
 im not quite sure how to get over it, maybe no one ever does, they just learn to deal with it.
maybe i feel i cant get to move on or properly grieve is because i still have the baby sack in my stomach..
my body hasn't caught up yet so still thinks im pregnant, im still getting the aches and pains in my breasts and lower back.I cant even imagine whats going through chris' head or how he's feeling hes a very strong guy, not at all like me, sometimes i wonder if hes getting sick and tired of me talking about it , i know hes got his heart in the right place he just wants to see me smile again,i feel like i shouldn't be.
i know its only been 3 days and im sure theres no time scale on when i will feel better but i just want it to stop hurting, im crying all the time, almost to a point when i think i have no other tears to cry, but no, i could cry a river..
the nurse says i should be just glad that i got pregnant in the first place and i am i just dont know how to deal with this loss, but then again i dont want the help of counselling, mainly because im a blubberly mess .
 i would never wish this upon anyone to go through, i just hope that after the hospital i can be able to feel better because right now i dont want to leave the house.

Pitter patter of footsteps

I have been waiting a good few weeks to write this post, im so happy i can't contain my excitement, so here are the two words i'm dying to get off my chest to everyone but for now i'll just say it in a post, I'm pregnant!

I've been waiting to be a mother for so long i was starting to think it would never happen, now im only 28 ,but like I've said in a previous post, i  was in  my last relationship for 8 years and sadly kids was something that was never gonna happen for us both, ,  when i went into my now relationship,  when we decided that we were going to start trying i thought it would never happen.

  i decided to take a test on the 22nd of may, and was shocked by the result but we decided to wait the next day and do it again  as the first test was rather cheap, so yes, 23rd of may i found out i was pregnant and it was a very exciting night, as i had already invited my best friend up  to hang out so she got to find out the same time me and Chris had.

 I 've already starting to show which makes me think i'm further along than what the doctor had though as i couldn't remember my last period so were just going along with how long we think i am , but yes very excited i think i may try  do more blog post on this :)

birthday treats!

It was my birthday last week, i turned 28 years old, i didn't make it a big thing, normally I'd like to go out for my birthday for some evening drinks, but you kind of get to a point that you don't wanna celebrate that your getting old , well i didn't anyways.
Chris and i  just stayed in watching movies and playing kinect games, which for me was amazing cause I've never played any kinect games before.
I did however get a few little presents from some friends and family :)
my friend Hayley had just came back from India the week before and had picked up Katy Perry's perfume, Killer Queen which smells amazing! , she also picked me up a coconut scented candle , it smells so strong and that's before I've even lit it so I'm excited to use it... it also had glitter through it!!
My mother got me the usual little things, some clothes and P.J's , Chris' sister got me a candle too also it smells of coconut and another scented plaque and my wonderful boyfriend got me Frozen on DVD and an Olaf ...(clapping my hands right now)

I've been 28 for a good week now, its not such a bad thing , will keep you updated on that though
xx

Finding The One

 I love to hear how couples get together, everyone has a love story, i love a good love story and i wear my heart on my sleeve , i cry very easy, weather I'm happy or sad i will bawl my eyes out to a point I'll have a lump in my throat and have mascara running down my face.
My best friend Hayley has been with her guy for I'd say 5 to 6 years
they have had their ups and their downs  and at one point went their separate ways  but found their way back to each other which i think is just lovely, Craig is one in a million and has stuck by Hayley when she was at her lowest point.. even when they were just friends.

Their story always sticks in my mind as to how they first met...
She was out in town with one of her friends, Liz  and her nephew Taylor and they met up with Liz's friend ..that be Craig
from what i can recall Hayley's nephew took a generous amount of food off of Craig's plate and they all had a laugh about it  and the rest is pretty much history.. she had stolen his heart and they have pretty much been inseparable.
they did have a few hick ups along the way  and seen other people when going their seperate ways, but most love stories start that way.Every moment leading up to the one in which you meet your future husband or wife somehow shapes you into the person you were meant to be with. any heartbreaks or loneliness you've had along the way can be important -- sometimes we need to know what something feels like when its wrong before we can really know when it feels RIGHT.

Hayley and Craig :)

a new chapter

I couldnt think of a title for this post, so i settled for that..a new chapter, which it is for me.
I'm moving out! , finally.
It's kind of sad when i am 27 years of age and that is me JUST moving out, which there are reasons for
but we won't get into that.
 So here i am currently surrounded with fry boxes, i took boxes home from my work so it looks like i've nicked a good few boxes of frys hehe.

So yes , i'm moving out.. its kind of excited but overall stressful trying to get  my suite delivered, hiring vans, even trying to pack i've took no time off so im packing when i come home from work and then collapsing into bed at night.
I may consider looking for a new job as well, as much as its only a 20 min bus journey , i work full time and the travel cost is a bit much, and i can't stand buses as it is :(
I'm also thinking of getting my hair cut again, which when i tell my folks they are proberly thinking oh no not again, for a good year or two i was wanting my hair done ombre.  it was all zoe sugg's fault really, her hair is just so purdyy.. if you don't know who im talking about you should go and subscribe to her channel right now http://www.youtube.com/user/zoella280390

Not only does she have amazing hair but she has a great personality and just makes me laugh, especially whe nshe is with her chummy Louise, who you can also find on youtube http://www.youtube.com/user/Sprinkleofglitter
 so yes i tried to do my hair like zoey's a good few times and it just never turned out the way i liked it, but yes!, finally a month or so ago i decided to bite the bullet and try it again and it turned out rather well.. considering how much i love it i do not have a picture of my hair to show you lovely people

isn't she pretty, i just wanna touch her hair .. i have a thing for wanting to touch peoples hair that looks nice and soft lol.
I have now deicided after watching a good few episodes of new girl.. you may have already guessed who im going to say.. that i am in love with zooey deschanel hair,(maybe i just have a thing for girls named zoe, hmm)

although im not sure weather i would suit it

oh wouldn't you know whilst looking for a picture of my face to show you lovely people i do have a picture of my ombre locks lol , so yes im not sure weather i would suit a full fringe/bangs again.. as a kid i had one just not so sure if i'll like it again.
This blog has  just turned into a long ramble about my hair , i don't think i can handle this blogging malarky considering i can't stay on track as to what i'm meant to be talking about, i think i'll leave it here for one night.. maybe a few months :P

Love
    Ema x

2013 here i come :)

I  know everyone says  its a new year new me , but i'd like to think it could be :) i have high hopes for this year , im determined to be a whole lot happier.
most of last year was so shitty('scuse my french) i was in a relationship with someone for so long after a while i as  a person had changed alot , but i'll always have a place for him in my heart, after all he was my first love.
i started  getting in touch with old friends and  began to feel a bit like my old self  and actual being happy.
I started seeing someone just at the end of last year, with a great guy would like to say  ive known him for a good few years and weve met before , well i have  but i cant remember but thats another story lol.
and i know  everyone says this , but i DO  have the best boyfriend in the world,  feel like were on the same page with things ,we can both talk about our feelings , and weve not had any arguments, think the only argument  we'd proberly ever have is, who would win  in a fight batman or superman?(superman btw:p)
yup im pretty much head over heels in  love with the guy :)    toodle-pip x